A post about me

 So, a couple of weeks ago, I started to have quite a lot of pain in my right side. It was pretty bad, but tolerable for a few days. Then, it got so bad that I drove myself to the ER, during a snow storm. I FULLY expected that it was a kidney stone, I have had them before and it is exactly what it felt like. The doctors there took a few blood tests, then sent me for and ultrasound. As I had suspected, she immediately found a kidney stone on the right side. However, she then moved to look at the left side. I've seen that look on a sonographer's face before, the day I was told that Lily's brain was only partially formed. Knowing that I'm not pregnant, I really wondered what was going on in my body. The lady, who had been quite chatty with me before, was suddenly silent. She finished the ultrasound, and sent me back to my room.

Within a few minutes, the ER doctor was back. He wanted to send me for a CT of my abdomen. I asked him what was wrong and he said the ultrasound had showed a large mass on my left ovary. I've had PCOS for years, so this didn't bother me too much. The CT was easy and before I knew it, I was back in my room. That wait was miserable. The doctor finally came back in and told me he wanted to admit me, for an immediate hysterectomy. I was in shock and said no way! He told me that the mass was 16.7 centimeters and had cut off blood flow to my left ovary. The chances of cancer were high and they needed to remove it immediately. I asked if he knew for sure it was cancer, and of  course, they had done no biopsies or anything. So, I said I was going home and that I would call my own doctor. I had a ton of instructions and I had to sign papers stating that I wouldn't hold the hospital responsible if anything were to happen.

Fast forward a few days. Gracie got sick and was put in the hospital in the midst of everything. On the Monday after my ER visit, I went to my regular OB/gyn. He wanted to do an in office needle biopsy and blood work. The Ca-125 came back high. So, we sat on pins and needles again. On Sunday night, I was feeling perfectly fine, just a little more drained than normal. Suddenly, I realized I was bleeding, quite badly.On that list of instructions, number one was to return to the hospital with ANY bleeding. So, off I went. I got there and it was BUSY!! They stuck me in a room, put an IV in me and then did nothing. Finally, the same doctor I saw before came in. He ordered a blood pressure check- both sitting and standing. Wow. What a difference an hour can make! When I got there, my BP was a very normal 117/68. At this point the sitting BP was 89/56 and the standing was WAY lower. The nurse, who knows me as "Gracie's momma", looked quite concerned, and got me back in the bed immediately. I had to go for a CT with contrast, so I drank some NASTY stuff, and then I was basically knocked out from morphine. I woke up about 4 hours later to the doctor calling my name. I barely even remember having the CT scan or anything. I do remember when he injected the iodine into my IV, because I was mortified. It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling all though your body...AND it makes you feel like you wet your pants!!! When I did wake up, the doctor had every intention of admitting me to the hospital. I even had a room number. Then I told him I was scheduled to see a specialist the next morning, and he sent me home. He said that it would be 2-3 days before I couldsee him inside the hospital, so he would send me home with strict orders to make my appointment.

Anyway- I'm tired of typing, so here is the condensed version- the hospital had to give me 2 units of blood. The next morning, I found out that the mass had gotten 6 cm smaller. The doctor did a needle biopsy and was able to get clear fluid from it easily. This test came back with level 3 precancerous cells, and the Ca125 came back higher than the first one. I also had a level 4 pap smear, which means abnormal cells there as well. This coming Wednesday, I will go in for a LEEP procedure. The doctor will go in and get scrape the abnormal cells out. Those will then be immediately tested, with both a radiologist and oncologist standing by. The specialist I see is about 95% sure that there is cancer there and he will need to remove the entire cervix. I'm going to be honest about how I am. I'm tired, in pretty constant pain, and scared. I have hope though. "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."

God is good!!