"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I used this verse last year...but did not at the time realize how true it was.
So, I have of course, found myself looking back to last year at this time. Last Thanksgiving, our pastor had gone to Florida to visit his daughter. He called me that morning though (says something about him, doesn't it?)-- to get an update and let us know we were on his mind and in his prayers. When we were getting off the phone, he asked me "What are you thankful for today, Michelle?" I knew I should say something...even with everything that was going on, I still had so much to be thankful for. I was silent though. Completely, utterly silent. I can remember his words as clearly as if he were speaking them to me right now. " Be thankful, Michelle. Find something to praise God for everyday. No matter how big or little- just make sure to praise Him."
Today, I am thankful that I took his advice. I am thankful for those moments in the stairwell, when I would run up and down them, just to expend some of that pent up energy and adrenaline. I would run and pray, and run and praise. Sometimes, the only thing I could think of to thank Him for was the fact that I hadn't fallen! I can remember one night, I was running and singing " How Great Thou Art" at the top of my lungs. Probably not very well, and believe me, it didn't start out with a right heart. By the time I got to the chorus, I was into it though. So into it, I didn't even notice the doctor sitting on the bottom stair and I trampled right over him. It was like 4am and usually there was nobody down there at that time. I apologized to him and kept right on going...and a few days later he came into Gracie's room to do a consult. He looked at me somewhat strangely at first, with a glint of recognition, then just went about his job.
This year is different...and I am thankful for that. We had dinner here at my house...I think there were 16 or 17 here all together. My mom, Amanda, Gracie and I cooked and baked for what seemed like days-- and the guys left an hour later to watch the game. :) And I'm thankful for that...last year, we ate at the RMH- and I left after an hour to get back to my comatose daughter. This year, we had a million and a half dishes to wash, vacuuming to be done...and I think there is chocolate permanently stuck on my couch. Last year, there were no dishes to be done, no messes to be cleaned up...it was all done for us so we could relax. In reality, the majority of us rushed back to our loved ones. This year, my little house was so loud I couldn't think.There were three under 5, five teenagers, and John Spangler (LOL) here! Last year, the hospital room was completely silent...all you could do was think. Think about what tomorrow would bring, what the next MRI would say, whether she would soon wake up completely, what waking up completely would mean. Yesterday, when I started to think that it was too loud, when I was somewhat tempted to complain about the noise, I thought about that. How last year, I would have given anything just to hear her sweet little munchkin voice.
What am I thankful for this year? I'm thankful that I've had my loving Savior as my Guide for the past 375 days as we've gone through this journey. I'm thankful that He truly is the Great Physician...and that as He has healed my daughter physically, He has also used her to heal others spiritually. Including us. I am thankful for a husband, who while imperfect, loves his God, his wife, and his children with his whole heart. I am thankful for the two beautiful children God has given me, and the amazing teenager He has entrusted me with for now. For the parents who have been beyond amazing. There have been entire months missed from work, emergency trips to Rochester have been made. They have watched Josiah more times than I could ever count, and just been my rocks. I'm thankful for our church and our church family, without whom I would not have made it through this year. I am thankful for the people that I don't know (school classes, missionaries, churches across the country) that have taken my family, and prayed for us. These people that don't even actually know us have given little pieces of their LIVES, as they lifted us up in prayer. It leaves me amazed whenever I think of it.
And last, but not least...I am thankful for this trial. Thankful that God chose US to go through this...and then chose to go through it right along with us. He has been so good to us!!
Michelle