Sunday, October 16, 2011

The good stuff.

Life is all about balance, it seems. Finding that perfect balance of good and bad, happy and sad, love and's what we humans strive for. We crave it. And, at the end of the day, I think we all hope and pray that the scale tips a tiny bit to the good side. Last week was hard for me. Although I did my absolute best to put that new diagnosis out of my head and just move forward, I'm still human. In the dark of the night, words haunt you. For the past few days, those words have haunted me.

Today, I took a step back and really thought it through. The words "brain bleed" haunted me. The words "cerebral palsy" haunted me. The word "stroke" still haunts me. "Shunt failure" will ALWAYS haunt me. Still...they are only words. I need to achieve a balance!!

So, tonight was the first time PeeWee's sang for the year. To be 100% honest, I dread the performances. I can remember when Gracie was really little, watching the kids up there singing. I would smile and giggle and daydream about when she was old enough to sing with them. My daydreams didn't include me having to stand next to her and tell her to stand up, stay still, don't jump, etc. That's what I do though, and I do it gladly. It was our choice to have her be in the club. It would have been much easier to just have her sit it out until she could stay still and pay attention. She has an 80% injured brain though, so whether she'll ever really be able to sit still is kind of up in the air!! We wanted her to be with the other kids her age and be a part of the activities of the church. She gets so much out of it, too!!

Last year, she stood up there with the other PeeWee's every performance, and never uttered a word from the songs. It looked like tonight would be the same. The kids got through the first two verses of the song and she never even tried to sing (though she knows every line). Then the third verse started and she got excited and jumped up and down and said, rather loudly- "This is my favorite song!!" Then it happened. She sang. "He invites me to His bakery table. His banner over me is love." Yes she said bakery. It's ok, I'll take it.

I almost made it, but I didn't. I had tears streaming before we got off the platform, and had to go to the ladies room to just sob for a few minutes. You know those wonderful, POWERFUL, cleansing, HAPPY tears? Some more words that haunted me?? "She may never talk again." Well, tonight....she sang.

Balance. Tonight, it's tipping toward the good stuff.

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