Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am the mother of a disabled child

I am the mother of a disabled child. 
I have a handicapped parking tag in my car, and although we often get odd looks, we have to use it.
My daughter is 4.5 years old and can't sit still for more than 2 minutes.
At least once a month, I spend 2-3 hours on the phone, making doctors appointments.
I am the mother of a disabled child.
When we leave home for the afternoon, I'm not worried about remembering snacks and extra clothes. I'm worried about remembering Diastat in case of a seizure.
The sound of my phone ringing in the middle of the day often causes a mini panic attack. 
As does the sound of an ambulance, even when my children are right there with me.
I am the mother of a disabled child.
And I am Blessed beyond all measure because of it.
Being the mother of a disabled child has ENABLED me. 
It has enabled me to see that pain in other mother's eyes and hear that despair in a voice.
It has given me the courage to say "Is everything ok?" "Do you need to talk?"
It has enabled me to pray harder and love deeper than I ever even knew was possible.
It has taught me to truly treasure life and all it has to offer.
There is true joy in watching the light bulb go off in your child's head. Seeing understanding for the first time is priceless.
I hold my breath as she tries to open the tiny clasp on a toy, and clap my hands and let a little shout when she gets it. Others probably think it's odd...to you, it's almost like those first steps all over again.
I have a desire to learn to love the unlovely.
I have learned that there will be situations that NOBODY will understand. That I will feel completely and utterly alone. Afraid. Tired. 
"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

I am the mother of a disabled child.
It is no accident.  
He chose me. 
He loves me. He loves her. And I love Him...a lot more because I am the mother of a disabled child.

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