Saturday, December 19, 2009

Break day for mommy

Well, last night I finally had a major melt down. It's funny how they always happen at the oddest of times. Like when everything is actually going ok, and your daughter is sitting in her wheelchair, happily eating her dinner. Well, that's how it always is with me. The aides had the TV in the dining room on and I was laughing at something on there. Next thing I knew, Derrick was asking me if I was alright. At that point, I realized I was sitting there, crying hysterically. I mean SOBBING...and I honestly didn't remember when I stopped LAUGHING. So, Derrick watched Gracie and I went to her room to regain my composure. Which was almost impossible. One of the nurses, Rita came in to talk to me, and then she prayed with me, which calmed me down. I had some nice ice water and a cool compress and went back to the dining room to find Gracie completely done with dinner. I felt better...relieved...and strangely revived.

So, today, I took the day off. I went for a nice drive, and did a little Christmas shopping. There's a river or lake up here with some gorgeous Christmas decorations set up on boats. I realized that we haven't even gone out to look at Christmas decorations like we usually do. It's Josiah's 1st Christmas...but we didn't even get a tree. Just a little fiber optic one in the hospital room. Shouldn't this upset me? Shouldn't I feel bad, like he might be missing out on something? I don't...if anything I am somewhat THANKFUL. Thankful that although, yes, there will be gifts, this Christmas will be about so much more than pretty lights and trees. Thankful that my kids will learn to appreciate JESUS and His birth as the reason to celebrate every December. Thankful that I get to celebrate not only THE Savior's birth...but MY Savior's birth. What a joy it is to know Him...

I walked in from my day of refreshing to a huggy little girl, riding around the halls in her wheelchair. She had a great, light schedule day. Tonight, she wanted to walk Grandma out. I was a bit worried, because she was ready for bed, with no shoes or socks. Well, she walked all the way around the floor twice, laughing and saying good night to the nurses and residents. What a ham she is!!

She loves all the pics. My friends daughter sent her a picture and she take it down off the wall and takes it with her and tells "my Jeshoohkuh" everything she is doing. Her Sunday School teacher also sent her a picture of her whole family. Tonight, I was in brushing my teeth and I came out and saw her folding it all up. She had it up near her mouth, like she might try to eat it ( she still has a slight oral fixation, especially when she's tired), so I asked her what she was doing. She smiled at me and said "I'm trying to just get Mrs Philbrick a kiss night!"...she was trying to her the picture situated so she could only see her teacher!! So cute!

1 comment:

Heidi said...

Michelle...I'd say you were long overdue for a meltdown...and I'm so glad you were refreshed after it! Your baby girl is healing and you can breathe a little more now...the meltdown was just another step for you. :) Thank you for helping me remember WHAT Christmas is all about and reminding all of us what is really important and meaningful in our lives as Christians. You are a blessing, Michelle.


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